A Fake Fake Psychotropic
by rajikka
Summary: "If there was only one more of me, everything would be so much easier…" Alfred had only wanted to make his hectic life more relaxing for a change. He quickly finds his harmless wish had more consequences than he ever imagined. (AU, Romerica)
1. Days Spin By

**Fake, Fake Psychotropic**

_Chapter 1 – Days Spin By _

**Disclaimer: **I solemnly swear I don't own any of it; I'm just in it for the Romerica ;)

**Warning:** Crazy!Alfred, male x male pairings, harsh language, and AU.

Uh-oh, here I am back to annoy everybody with my crazy fics! XD

This one's based on the Vocaloid song _Fake, Fake Psychotropic_ by GUMI. It's not a songfic, but you'll see some of the lyrics used in thoughts and dialog here and there. The setting is and AU World Academy and all of the Nations are humans. And because I'm tossing it somewhere in the U.S. I'm using "soccer" instead of "_football_" and "football" instead of "_American football._" Sorry if that offends any hardcore fans of the game!

Now I could have very easily reversed the roles and had this be about Lovino, but kind of figured that would be an easy-out. Not to mention all the crap I put him through in _Ten-Faced_ (ironically, another GUMI song about being mentally unstable…), so it's Alfred's turn to be the "crazy" one! But enough of my ramblings, on with the fic!

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_If there was only one more of me, everything would be so much easier…_

Those were the words Alfred F. Jones thought to himself on his way to school one morning. It wasn't easy being him. He was the Captain of the football team for starters. He practiced 3 – 4 afternoons a week after school whether it was football season or not. Alfred worked in a small restaurant several nights a week and was one of its top-requested waiters. The American didn't hold back in anything he did from eating twice his weight in food to his gigantic crush on a certain foul-mouthed, impossibly cool, green-eyed Italian (Shhh! Nobody tell him!). Alfred was also well on his way to a prestigious university. Most students didn't start taking college-level classes until they were in their last year or two of high school, but Alfred wanted to start early. Engineering classes came easy enough to the blonde (it was his boring high school level English classes that gave him a hard time). Oh, and he was popular. He had a reputation to uphold.

But more than any of that, he was _exhausted_.

It was hard work being him. As the days spun by, his mind whirled around, trying to keep up. By the end of the week, it felt like he got absolutely nothing done and he was beginning to lose his patience. He wasn't about to give up on any of the things he loved (especially football and the tsundere of his dreams), but he was running out of options.

Even though he had a support network to rival a crack-addict in group rehab, he still wasn't getting enough done. He had an awesome family and an even more awesome group of friends. Even people he barely knew seemed to like him. Alfred hated the part of him distracted by words of praise and admiration, but sometimes that was the only thing that got him through a rough week. The exception being Lovino Vargas. The first time the brunette had told him that he "was alright for an idiot" had him floating on cloud nine for an entire month. Clearly, theirs was a love that transcended time.

Too bad Alfred was too afraid to confess to him.

Alfred continued on his way to school, absently kicking a rock, when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Flicking the charm off the screen, he pulled it out and read the text message from his brother.

_Hurry up or you'll be late!_

Alfred scoffed and texted him back a message befitting of his status as the older brother.

_Don't wanna :P _

Laughing to himself, the blonde began messing around on his phone, anticipating an equally obnoxious reply soon. He was halfway through checking his email when he got a strange text from an unknown number.

_**Welcome, welcome!**_

"Who's this?" Alfred both spoke aloud and texted back. In an instant, he had his reply.

_**I am the wish-granter, you are the client.**_

_You have the wrong number_.

_**You have a wish you want granted. Let's make a contract! **_

"…"

Alfred chose to ignore it, thinking it was spam. Maybe his bro had given his number to one of his weird friends. The messages started coming faster.

_**Tell me your wish. **_

_**Fame, money, love? **_

This was starting to annoy Alfred.

_**Your parents want you to go to Gakuen University, but we both know your grades aren't good enough**_.

_Go hack someone else's account. This is a shitty joke_.

_**Your football team is good, but it could be better. How would you like to win Nationals?**_

The American was still convinced it was a hacker until the next message stopped him in his tracks.

_**Or maybe you want that cute brunette all to yourself? **_

Alfred felt his eyes widen. Nobody knew about that, not even his own brother.

_**I could make that happen. **_

_Who are you? _

_**Tell me your wish**_.

Alfred decided to humor the weirdo, but even as a joke, he couldn't bring himself to ask feelings to be forced onto Lovino. Instead, he decided to ask for something that would help his entire situation.

_I wish there was one more of me, so everything would be much easier._

_**Shall I erase this impossible dilemma of yours? **_

"Sure, knock yourself out, creeper," the blonde laughed at this. What could some hacker do? His fingers flew over three keys and hit send.

_Yes_

The menu screen of Alfred's phone suddenly faded out and was replaced by static and many colors appeared in blocks, almost like his old TV did when it got no signal. The image of something smiling unnaturally blinked twice, causing the screen to go black. When it finally turned back on, Alfred saw the image of someone who could be his double smile at him. He nearly dropped his phone in surprise.

Alfred thought he was seeing things, until a screeching noise in the distance brought him back to reality. He looked up from his phone and heard the sound of a collision and screaming a few blocks away towards a busy intersection.

"Was there a car crash?" he asked no one in particular as people started rushing past him to the site of the accident.

In the middle of the crowd, stood a teenage boy about 5'10 with messy blond hair, a strong build, and a big grin. Alfred's shock registered in the boy's sky blue eyes, half hidden behind a set of rectangular-rimmed glasses.

He was a perfect imitation of himself.

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Hope you liked the first chapter! I know that the lack of abbreviations and the like is probably out of character for Alfred's texting, but kept it the way I did to make it easier to read. Normally, I make his texting more believable, but since there was so much of it in this chapter I went with what was easiest to read. Sorry. Text-talk irritates the shit out of me when used too much.

This chapter was more of a prologue, so the next chapter (and ones following that) will be longer and have actual dialog in them :P

For those of you wondering, a "psychotropic" is something that effects how the mind works. That's all I'll say on it for now ; )

-Rajikka

**Translations:**

**Tsundere** – A tsundere is a type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)


	2. Whirling

**Fake, Fake Psychotropic**

_Chapter 2 – Whirling _

**Disclaimer: **I solemnly swear I don't own any of it; I'm just in it for the Romerica ;)

**Warning:** Crazy!Alfred, male x male pairings, harsh language, and AU.

Thanks for the feedback on chapter 1! This time we get to see a little more of the Hero's life and why he made the wish he did, but with actual dialogue this time! :)

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In the middle of the crowd, stood a teenage boy about 5'10 with messy blond hair, a strong build, and a big grin. Alfred's shock registered in the boy's sky blue eyes, half hidden behind a set of rectangular-rimmed glasses.

He was a perfect imitation of himself.

"You look just like me…" Alfred gaped, standing face to face with…himself.

"That's the idea," the imitation said with Alfred's trademark grin.

Alfred continued to stare in shock. Everyone else walked around him, too distracted by the car accident to pay any attention to them. A hundred people on the sidewalk and not a one noticed Alfred and his Fake.

"I'm here to switch places with you, bro," the second Alfred told him with a cheery salute. "I promise I'll be on my best behavior, so you can go play and relax."

Alfred was still a little bewildered, but it had been a strange morning already. Honestly, he was still a little beat from staying up so late the night before catching up on homework. Which was what he was also doing the night before that…and the night before that. He could use a break. Sure, why not take him up on the offer? Not like his day could get any weirder.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Can't argue with that!" Alfred gave him a high-five and turned back around.

"Hold up," the doppelganger spoke up.

"Aw, man…Already having second thoughts?" Alfred frowned, turning back around. He knew this deal was too good to be true.

"Of course not!" the other laughed, extending an arm. "I just need your backpack and homework. We have a paper due in Biology, right?"

"Oh, right!" Alfred handed over the bag. "Whew! Good looking out! I wouldn't have even thought of that!"

"No problem."

"So…you know where to go for all my classes and stuff?"

"Yep."

"Uh…_how?_"

"I'm you," the blonde poked him in the shoulder. "So, _relax_. I got this."

Shrugging off his stroke of good luck, Alfred thanked his other self again and headed back home to return to sleeping in, video games, leftover pancakes, and being lazy in general. He planned on making the most of his unexpected day off and with his parents both out of town for work; he had no chance of getting caught.

Not twenty minutes later, found Alfred slumped in front of the TV in his pajama pants, game controller in one hand, plate of syrupy pancakes in the other. He was hard at work, but this time at _Tales of Final Dreams XIV_, the RPG he'd been waiting for ages to play. It had practically been burning a hole on his dresser, where it had been forced to lay for a week with the other video games Alfred didn't have time for.

"Best day _ever_…" Alfred sighed happily as the opening credits finished and he was free to run around.

While sending the main character off to talk to random townspeople, the option to name his character came up. Alfred typed in HERO, since the character was supposed to be an extension of himself…kind of like his double.

"I wonder how he's doing…?" the blonde wondered out loud.

He realized he never really gave his imitation a name, despite his hugely important mission. Sure, he could call himself 'Alfred' when undercover, but what was the real Alfred supposed to call him while they were talking, just the two of them? His attention flickered back to the character cleaving snakes and some kind of rock thing in half with his sword. The technical term for the protagonist would be 'Avatar' but that only worked for video games. It sounded strange in real life.

"What else am I supposed to call him?"

'Doppelganger' was a mouthful and 'Twin' made no sense because of his actual twin brother, Matthew. 'Clone' just sounded weird. 'Double' _could_ work, but it had too many double-meanings and might get confusing. Besides, this was kind of like a secret mission and his other self was like a secret agent. He didn't want to accidentally call him a double agent!

After the battle tutorial was over and Alfred was done watching his beloved peasant village burn to the ground (damn you, Blattellan Empire!), the American settled on the codename of 'Fake' for the other Alfred. 'Fake' was simple enough and fitting. With that dilemma settled, Alfred could return his full attention on rescuing his childhood friend, finding true love, and taking down the tyrannical Blattellan Empire.

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At about 4:00 his phone went off, the alarm reminding him it was time to get ready for work. It startled him for a second, having forgotten he still had it on him. After shutting it off, he hoped his Fake was okay without it. He could probably just fib about leaving it home on accident again…Alfred was always forgetting something with all the things he balanced on his brain.

Alfred quickly changed his clothes and changed into one of his spare work uniforms, consisting of black slacks, a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up (a look he borrowed from Lovino), and a black vest. He didn't have to worry about the long waiter's apron because they kept those on site. Not that Alfred minded, less laundry for him! He haphazardly tied the ribbon around his collar on his way out the door, already acknowledging the fact that Lovino would give him a hard time about it at work and have to re-tie it for him.

Alfred didn't mind that either.

Quickly making his way out the front door, he caught himself nearly shouting goodbye to whoever was in the house. He'd have to break that habit if he and his Fake were going to keep up their secret mission. Lucky for him, nobody was home today. Alfred continued on his way to work. The brisk pace probably wasn't necessary, but he missed hanging out with all his friends at school, so he was eager to see the ones he worked with at Cat's Eye Restaurant. He had nearly made it, when somebody suddenly pulled him into the alleyway a block away from the restaurant. Thinking it was a mugger, Alfred brought his arms up to defend himself.

"What are you doing here?!" a familiar voice hissed to him. Alfred hadn't realized how harsh his own voice could sound until he was standing face to face with his Fake again.

"Working…?" Alfred replied, bringing his hands down to their casual position in his pockets.

"I told you I'd cover for you, remember?" his Fake laughed, all traces of annoyance had left his tone.

"Well, I don't really mind my job, I get to see Lovi there, after all…" He blurted out, then covered his mouth for exposing his secret, even if it was to his other self.

"Lovi…?" the second Alfred tilted his head to the side while the original blushed and waved it off quickly.

"Er, I mean Lovino! He hates it when I call him Lovi!" he forced himself to take a calming breath. It wasn't like his Fake was going to go around telling people about his crush on Lovino. "I actually want to work tonight, but you can go start our homework, if you're so eager."

"Of course," he replied before leaving to complete it. "Say hi to…_Lovi_ for me."

"Dude, you can't call him that or he'll kick you in the shin!" Alfred whispered back in concern. He was speaking from experience. "Just what kind of memories do you have, anyway?"

"Enough," was all he said.

Alfred made it the rest of the way to work (without the threat of getting mugged by his double) mulling over how much 'enough' meant. Did his Fake only know things he'd said and done? What about his thoughts? It was all very confusing for the blonde, so he pushed it to the back of his mind for later. He opened the door and waved to his friends. Helen, their hostess/manager/drama queen informed him that he would have Section 2 tonight. Alfred had forgotten she was working tonight. It was always more fun when her younger brother, Heracles, was left in charge. The Karpusi family owned the restaurant, but Helen seemed to think she owned the employees as well. After a pit stop to the Wait Staff Station to pick up his apron for the night, the American joined the circle of waiters near the main counter.

"I still can't believe they didn't find him…" Bella said, her usual cat-like smile nowhere to be seen.

"It's scary…" Mei agreed, crossing her arms as if to ward off a shudder.

Choosing to listen for a clue as to what they were going on about, Alfred came up empty-handed. Between his friends and his current table, all everyone could talk about was some mysterious missing person. Alfred felt bad because the fate of the poor guy wasn't sounding good.

"Was a missing person found dead or something?" he finally asked.

"Al, you were at school, you know what we're talking about," his younger brother answered him.

"O-Oh, right!" He tried to cover it up. "Of course I do!"

Alfred realized he forgot to ask his Fake how school went today. He wouldn't make that mistake again. Calling dibs on the next group of customers, Alfred took any excuse he could to escape the discussion before he dug his proverbial grave any deeper. The blonde ended up playing detective to get the rest of the details. Between his friends and random conversations he overheard his customers discuss, Alfred was able to piece together the gist of it.

Apparently, some nutjob ran into the middle of traffic and got himself killed. It was odd because the guy was most certainly dead from the instant impact, but no body was found. There was plenty of blood, enough to indicate death, but no body. The victim couldn't have walked away or snuck off unseen, so it was a huge mystery. Everybody was so busy with their own lives, that nobody could identify the missing person either. Some vaguely recall a young male, but nothing more than that.

"That's terrible…" Mei looked down. "I can't believe people were so self-absorbed they didn't even notice the guy who died right in front of them."

"It's the world we live in," Kiku shrugged, but also looked a little distant. "People pay more attention to their phone than the person standing next to them."

"I heard the police don't have any leads, since nobody saw it and it was a smaller intersection with no traffic cameras," Bella frowned. "I hope they solve it soon."

"Yeah…" Matthew nodded.

Alfred was about to add something to the conversation, when he noticed Lovino looked pale. Pale _and_ quiet. Two of the least-fitting adjectives for his tsundere friend. Was he coming down with something? A cold? The flu?

"You feeling alright, Lovino?" he asked.

"I'm fine, bastard," the brunette huffed, but still looked a little shaken.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, now stop asking."

"Is it about the frog we have to dissect in Biology this Friday?" Kiku asked.

"You got me," Lovino rolled his eyes.

"Really?" Alfred asked.

"Something about cutting up dead things doesn't sit well with me…" the brunette cringed. "I figure that's less psychotic than actually looking forward to it."

"Right, but if we _have_ to chop up a dead frog and dig around its guts, there isn't anyone I'd rather do it with than you," Alfred joked, nudging the Italian's shoulder. "At least you'll have your trusty lab partner at your side!"

"Ugh…don't remind me."

Alfred chuckled a bit, recalling how he nearly tackled Ivan for foolishly blocking his path to claim Lovino as his lab partner before anyone else did. He had expected Antonio to put up more of a struggle, but Elizabeta accidentally spilled water on him, distracting him enough for Alfred to call dibs. If that wasn't divine intervention, he didn't know what was. The blonde was about to ask Lovino something else about their project, when he noticed the troubled look hadn't left the tsundere's eyes (even if he did a really good job of covering it up with a scowl). This was odd; Lovino didn't seem to have a problem when they had to dissect a pig's heart earlier in the semester.

"Arthur told me to just pretend it's Francis."

"That…doesn't help, bastard."

Lovino quickly left to check on his two tables, leaving Alfred to scratch his head. He wondered what was bothering the Italian. He managed to change the conversation when Lovino returned from taking out a tray of appetizers to his first table.

"How'd I do?" Alfred asked, from his position near the main door, straightening menus.

"Huh?"

"It's a cute bow, right?" the blonde smiled, pointing to the ribbon around his collar. One loop was longer than the other, but it was still one of his better attempts. "Nice tie job, huh?"

"It's terrible…" Lovino sighed, shooting him an exasperated grin. "Let me fix it before you make an even _bigger_ idiot out of yourself…"

"But I thought I did a good job, this time!"

"A fucking three year old could do a better job than that!" Lovino carefully wound the thin cord around his hand as he readjusted it.

"It can't be _that_ bad!" Alfred looked away, pouting. He secretly tried to watch Lovino's long, graceful fingers fly through loops with professional ease out of the corner of his eye.

"The next time my half-brother's in town, I'll have him prove otherwise."

"But that's not fair!"

"Why not?"

"Marcello's _five_ years old!"

This got a laugh out of the stubborn Italian and both returned to work, the mood having lightened considerably. It ended up being surprisingly busy for a Tuesday, but Alfred still tried chatting with Lovino whenever he got the chance. The main floor of Cat's Eye was quite large, but the area for the wait staff was limited. With Helen being the hostess tonight, the staff mostly stuck to doing actual work. Their invented games of Condiment Shots, Binball, and silverware wrapping races would have to wait for another night.

By the end of his shift, Alfred had made over 70 dollars in tips. It really paid off that he had a bunch of families that tipped well and that they didn't have as many servers tonight as they normally do for crowds like this on the weekend. He even felt pretty good for all the running around he did. Having the morning off really helped him relax and recharge! All in all, it was a good day for Alfred. He couldn't wait to get home and ask his Fake about how school went and come up with a game plan for tomorrow.

"H-Hey, bas-uh, Alfred?"

"Yeah, Lovino?" the blonde's ears perked up at the sound of the Italian's voice. "What's up?"

"Nothing, just…well, it's been a crazy day, so just…just be careful on your way home, got it?" Lovino told him, his cheeks turning an interesting shade of red. "N-Not that I care or anything, you're so spacey, anything could happen to you…"

"Aww, that's so sweet of you to worry about little ole' me!" Alfred couldn't help but grin. Deep down, he was happy to be getting the extra attention from Lovino. The brunette didn't usually openly show he cared like this.

"I-I'm not worried about you, dammit!" he roared. "I was just—_Chigi!_"

Alfred chuckled as the flustered brunette threw his hands up, snarled something else in Italian, and stormed off. Lovino often spoke a separate language with his hands (to the point where it looked like he and his brother could hold entire conversations in their own brand of Italian Sign Language once they got going), so Alfred had taken it upon himself to start inventing his own translations. He decided that one meant 'Alfred is my one true hero and I'm _so_ worried about him!'

"Heh…I wish."

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A/N

Marcello is a younger version of Seborga for those of you who were wondering. Helen is my version of a spoiled fem!Greece (who will be acting as Heracles's older sister). I went with Helen because in Greek myths, Helen of Troy (the most beautiful woman) and Heracles (a famous Greek hero) are half-siblings. They share a dad (Zeus) with Leda being Helen's mother and Alcmene being Heracles's mother…not that you particularly care. Heh, I just like mythology ^^

It was a fairly laidback chapter, but will pick up soon. We'll also find out more about the Fake in the next chapter, since he didn't get a whole lot of screen time in this chapter. Is he trustworthy or not? Hmm…

-Rajikka

**Translations:**

**Tales of Final Dreams XIV** – A spoof on the Tales series and the Final Fantasy series. Both are popular RPG franchises in Japan. If you read _Irresistible and Oblivious_, you might recognize the name too. I just re-used it here because I'm lazy like that :P

**Blattellan** – Modified from the scientific name for 'cockroach' ('blattella'). Since the video game came from Japan in _Irresistible and Oblivious_, I tried to think of something he didn't like to be the evil empire.

**Tsundere** – A tsundere is a type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)


	3. Imitation

**Fake, Fake Psychotropic**

_Chapter 3 – A Fake, Fake Imitation _

**Disclaimer: **I solemnly swear I don't own any of it; I'm just in it for the Romerica ;)

**Warning:** Crazy!Alfred, male x male pairings, harsh language, and AU.

Thanks for putting up with the fillericious background info in the last chapter. This time, we get to learn a little more about the Fake and where the crap he came from.

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Having walked home with Matthew, Alfred didn't have to worry about sneaking into the house. He admitted he was a little worried about his Fake getting spotted by his brother or leaving a light on, but the house looked deserted as the two arrived home.

"I wonder if Mom's home…" Alfred wondered out loud.

"Doesn't look like it, eh?" his twin responded. "Maybe her meeting went late?"

"Could be."

Their mother was a very successful businesswoman, but with great power came great responsibility. Abigail's meetings often went late and she'd missed more than one bedtime story with her boys in the past. Not that they minded. She was always doing her best to make time for them, and when she did have vacation, she never skipped out on a chance to take her family somewhere amazing. Last year, she had taken them to Colorado and they spent a week rafting and rock climbing. They had even visited a ranch and slept under the stars during their final days of vacation. Alfred had been in heaven.

Sure enough, after entering the two-story home, they found the answering machine light flashing. Their mother had left a message, reminding them she would be home late. Both boys had eaten dinner during their shift at Cat's Eye, so neither was particularly hungry and bypassed the kitchen.

Alfred let Matthew have the bathroom first (because when you're a waiter, you always smell like food after work) and headed to his room to meet up with his Fake once he heard the sound of running water from the bathroom. His room was still dark, so he flicked on the light switch. Was his Fake even home?

"Hey, Alfred," his Fake greeted him from the desk, nearly giving the original a heart attack.

"Holy crap! Were you just hanging around in the dark all this time?"

"No, I just turned the lights off around the time you and Mattie normally get home from work," Fake Alfred laughed. "Oh, and Mom will be coming home late."

"How did you know that?"

"Duh, she texted us," he held up an exact replica of Alfred's own cellphone, down to the star-shaped charm on the phone strap his mother had given him as a souvenir from Colorado. "You should really check your phone more often."

"H-How did you get a phone just like mine?" the blond asked, astounded. He even dug out his own cellphone to make sure it wasn't just a prank.

"I think the guy capable of cloning a _person_ could handle cloning a _phone_ too."

"So you met the guy who, uh, made you?" Alfred asked, unsure of how to phrase the question.

"Not directly, no," the Fake shrugged. "But I know he's powerful."

"Huh…anything else?"

"That's all I got, sorry."

Taking advantage of the 30 or so minutes his brother would be occupied in the shower (Mattie was such a _girl_ about his hair, sometimes), Alfred sat cross-legged on his soft bed across from his other self asking him all kinds of questions. The more he got going, the more questions he had for his clone-of-sorts. It wasn't every day your double dropped into your life to suddenly give you a vacation from all your stress and worries.

His Fake informed him that the person who contacted Alfred was a powerful wish-granter. Through Alfred's wish of wanting there to be one more of himself, an exact copy was created to assist with that. That copy was his Fake.

"Alrighty, I get that we could pass off as identical twins, but what about your memory?" Alfred asked. "Nobody at work mentioned anything out of the ordinary to me, so you must have been fine at school."

His Fake seemed to analyze him a moment before replying. "Thoughts are harder to copy and paste, but memories are different. If you've seen it, said it, or experienced it, I have access to it."

"So _that's_ why you didn't know anything about Lovi…" Alfred hummed. He had always kept his feelings about his crush to himself. The blonde was never into writing or blogging about it either, so it would have been impossible to see or read. Sure, he spent many a boring English class fantasizing about the brunette who sat diagonal from him, and yeah, just about every good dream Alfred could recall having involved the Italian in some way, but it's not like he had someone to blab all that to…present company excluded.

"…Lovi?"

"Crap, I did it again!" the American ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He really let his guard down around…himself.

"Tell me more about Lovi…" His Fake gave him a slow smile.

"Don't call him that!" Alfred insisted, worried that by talking about it, he would slip up and the rest of the world would somehow find out about his crush on the Italian. "In fact, don't bring it up again! Lovino is off-limits!"

"Whatever you say."

Alfred changed the subject by quizzing his double to test his memory. He was amazed to find that his Fake could remember every crazy stunt he'd ever pulled down to peeing in his cranky old neighbor's garden as a kid. His other self was so good, he could practically write a report on both Alfred and Matthew…sometimes it sounded like his Fake knew him better than he did!

"Okay, wise guy, tell me about Mom."

"Abigail F. Jones, 'Abby' to her friends, 'Yes, ma'am' to you when you're in trouble," Fake rattled off, with a grin. "She works really hard for us and loves family more than anything. Her job at the Shinatty Superstore franchise keeps her busy because she's in charge of managing product development. She jokes that you take after her and Mattie takes after Dad."

"Wow! You _are_ good! Tell me about Dad," Alfred couldn't help but clap for his Fake.

"Ethan Jones was originally Ethan Williams, but took on your mother's name when they got married. He said it was because she had worked so hard to make a name for herself in the retail industry, but jokes that it's because she's so strong willed. He works at Frontier Airlines as a Captain and is the reason you could build model planes before you could ride a bike."

"And what's his nationality?"

"He was born in America, but spent several years in Canada, since he's ½ Canadian on his mother's side."

"Which makes us…"

"A quarter-Canadian."

"But…"

"We don't like to talk about it."

Alfred was having a hard time keeping his laughter down. His Fake really knew him inside and out. It was kind of like finding a long-lost brother and a new best friend at the same time. Or possibly some kind of saint. Fake Alfred had their homework done by the time he got home. He asked Alfred if he wanted a quick run-down of everything he learned in class today, but Alfred declined. Just hearing that school went well and nothing out of the ordinary (besides the strange accident at the intersection) had happened was good enough for him.

After a quick shower, Alfred hollered goodnight to his actual twin and stayed up half the night chatting away with his Fake. He heard his mom come home sometime around two in the morning, which gave his other self enough time to duck under the bed, so that by the time Abigail made it upstairs to kiss her son on the cheek, only Alfred was lying under his stars and stripes comforter in bed, seemingly in dreamland. Eventually, the blonde did fall asleep, but only after disabling his alarms for the next morning.

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* * *

That Wednesday, Alfred slept in for the first time in a long, long time…He was so relaxed and warm in his cozy bed that he let out a sigh of contentment…_Babies_ didn't sleep this good.

Morning practice, club meetings, and school in general meant nothing now that he had a Fake. He could sleep in as late as he wanted and still get stuff done. Alfred laughed as he looked at his digital clock…he could get used to this. With his family already at school or work, Alfred took his time having breakfast. After all, it was more fun to enjoy his favorite cereal (that his brother dubbed 'Diabetes in a Bowl') when he had time for three or four servings.

It was a wonder he hadn't gone into a hyperglycemic coma by now.

After finishing off his box of cereal, Alfred planted himself in front of the big screen TV in the living room. He turned on his game system and started up Tales of Final Dreams XIV again. Alfred leaned back and readied his controller. Just this once he was going to beat a video game before his buddy Kiku!

And so it came to pass, that Alfred played the hell out of that game. For three glorious hours, it was all he could think of…all he could do. He was HERO and HERO was him. Fight bad guy, fight bad guy, level up, fight bad guy, locate boss, fight boss, find new bad guy to derail. All Alfred could hear was the game's beautifully orchestrated soundtrack and the constant mashing of buttons on his controller. Fight, fight, level up, fight, buy something shiny, fight, fight, level up…

He was like an attention-deficient squirrel on PCP.

* * *

oOo

* * *

The Fake had missed most of his opportunities to interact with Lovino the previous day. For whatever reason, the Italian skipped several of his classes and showed up to Spanish late. The Imitation decided to remedy this today. He showed up to Biology so early, he even beat his teacher there. With a confident smile, he played out several scenarios in his head for greeting Lovino. He was certain he could leave quite the impression. Everyone else was putty in his hands, why would the tsundere be any different? A few minutes later, the Italian showed up.

And the blonde promptly forgot how to talk.

He could only watch the scene play out like some kind of shampoo commercial or something. Lovino entered the room, ran a hand through his hair, and stole a few hearts in the process. Although he had no way of actually proving it, the Fake was also convinced the sun suddenly burst from the gloomy clouds to shine brilliantly on Lovino's olive-colored skin. The Italian was practically _glowing_. If that wasn't enough, his gorgeous green eyes met blue as he sat next to him.

_Lovino Vargas_ was sitting next to him.

When his distracted mind regained coherentness, he remembered that they were lab partners, so the Italian always sat next to him. But for five blissful minutes, the Fake believed the physical embodiment of all his romantic desires willingly chose to sit by him.

"What are you staring at, bastard?"

"I…uh…um…"

"Are…Are you running a fever?" Lovino asked in disbelief. Taking the American's stammered reply as a yes, Lovino placed his hand on the flustered blonde's forehead. If he was blushing before, he was roasting now. "Holy shit, you're burning up!"

"I…uhm…" The Fake couldn't speak clearly, but he didn't want to shake his head either. If he did that, the Italian might drop his hand, breaking the gentle physical contact that was getting him so worked up. That might have been the rational thing to do, but the other Alfred was too enraptured by the brunette before him to move. Lovino was touching him. Lovino was worried about him. Lovino was…perfect.

It wasn't fair. Alfred had years to come to terms with his feelings for Lovino. His Fake was bombarded with those urges and desires all at once. It was like the floodgates surrounding his heart had been released. He fell completely in love with the tsundere in a matter of minutes.

"I…I'm okay," he managed to smile.

"But you feel like you're running a fever!" Lovino hissed, not knowing how to get that through the American's fever-ridden brain. He hadn't realized he kept his hand on the other's forehead until the blonde covered his hand with his own.

"I'll be okay now."

The Fake spent the rest of the day gradually building up a tolerance to Lovino. If the real Alfred could handle these feelings, so could he. Maybe he could even handle them better than the original. Alfred never acted on his feelings for the Italian. _This_ Alfred wouldn't make the same mistake.

In Spanish class, the Fake conveniently forgot how to change verb tenses to create another chance to talk to Lovino. He knew from previous memories that Lovino could speak Spanish nearly fluently and took this course as a blowoff class.

"Thanks for your help!" Alfred's Fake grinned at Lovino. Most of the other students had filtered out the door by now.

"Meh, it's not that big of a deal," the Italian shrugged. Something felt _off_ about Alfred all day long and it was annoying him to no end. "Any other stupid questions?"

"Yeah, what does this word mean?" he asked pointing to a verb on the opposite page.

"Which one?" Lovino leaned over to get a better look. It was almost like his stupid friend was keeping the book just out of his range on purpose. He still had to squint to see which word Alfred was pointing to. "That one? Bésame?"

"If you insist…"

The Fake suddenly leaned in towards Lovino, startling the brunette by the close proximity of their faces.

"Ch-Che cazzo?!" the flustered Italian quickly pulled back before the other landed a kiss on him. "Try something stupid like that again and I'll break your nose!"

"What's wrong?" the blonde asked innocently, acting confused.

"Y-You shouldn't do that with me!" Lovino could feel his blush darken.

"Why not?"

"B-Because we aren't _dating_, bastard!"

"Oh…" the Fake's mouth curled upwards into a smirk. "Want to?"

"NO!" Lovino hollered at him, storming off with his trademark 'Chigi!'

"That could've gone better…" the Fake pouted, scratching the back of his neck.

* * *

oOo

* * *

Completely unaware of the predicament the object of his affections was going through, Alfred remained at home, enjoying his lazy day. Or at least he was until his mother came home early from a business meeting. He saw her red car pull into the driveway and began to freak out.

His heart nearly jumped out of his chest as he flicked the TV off, hid his snacks under the couch and took the carpeted stairs two at a time to hide in his room as the front door opened. Alfred had made it to his room safely! Listening carefully, he heard his mom chatting on the phone with someone. The sneaky son nudged his door closed with caution and dove under his bed when he heard Mommy Dearest walk upstairs.

Fortunately for him, Abigail walked right past his room without entering. Alfred released the breath he had been holding. That was a close call! He still wasn't ready to leave his hiding place, so he entertained himself by thinking of the conversation he had with his Fake after work last night.

"I have some questions for you too, if you don't mind…" he had asked Alfred.

It turned out, he was curious about Alfred's social relationships with others. He wanted to know what he really thought about others, so he could be a more believable Alfred. His Fake asked him if Mattie's timid personality ever bothered him (nope, he is who he is), how much he really liked Gil hanging around his innocent brother (not thrilled, but can't tell Mattie who to hang out with, so he settled on being protective older brother), who he had any romantic feelings towards (Lovino, but secretly), and who was his most trustworthy friend (Kiku, who was always honest with him and could keep secrets under lockdown so well, he could be a human vault. Alfred told his Fake he considered telling Kiku about his crush on Lovino, but decided against it, since Kiku doesn't seem like the mushy, romantic type and would probably be bored by countless conversations over how cool Lovino is and how amazing it would be if he liked him back).

Alfred was glad his Fake was taking an interest in his secret mission. If he was going to take Alfred's place at school more often, he'd have to get to know his friends better. The blonde had briefly considered telling the others about his top-secret agent, but decided against it.

"They'd probably think I was crazy or involved in some kind of illegal cloning project…"

"You're right," his other self seconded the motion. "I'll do my best to keep our secret identity safe."

Alfred appreciated this then and now. He felt like he was leaving his secret in good hands. It was nice to be able to trust somebody like this. After his mother had entered her room and gone silent for over ten minutes, he figured the coast was clear. She got in late last night, so she was most likely napping by now. Alfred pulled himself out from under his bed, rubbed his stiff muscles and very quietly got ready for work again. He had already told his Fake that he had tonight covered again, so they both didn't show up and give everything away.

* * *

oOo

* * *

"Hi, everybody! The Hero has arrived!" Alfred greeted the others after pushing his way through the main entrance. The relaxed lighting and faint smell of gyros welcomed him. He was a little early, so not everyone was in yet. Seeing that Lovino was, he made his way over to him.

Alfred approached him with his typical enthusiasm, but for some reason Lovino was avoiding making eye contact. He looked frustrated about something, but Alfred had no clue what it was about.

"Hey…" Alfred leaned his arms on the smooth countertop. He hunched over slightly, so he was at eye level with Lovino. "Did I do something to piss you off?"

Lovino visibly tensed when the blonde forced himself into his line of vision, narrowed his eyes slightly, then relaxed.

"It's nothing, hamburger bastard."

"But you were ignoring me!"

"You have that effect on people…" he drawled. "Especially those with headaches."

"I hope I didn't cause your headache!" Alfred was worried. His Fake had texted him a few details during school (apparently they could unlimitedly text each other as a special feature of his double's phone) but nothing about Lovino.

"It's the book we're reading in English," the Italian replied. "I hate _Macbeth_."

"Ha, ha! I completely agree!" Alfred patted his shoulder. "British authors are the worst! …Minus J.K. Rowling, of course."

Lovino nodded and returned to wrapping silverware. Not long after, the others strolled in and Alfred challenged Kiku to a game of Binball. Heracles was left in charge tonight, so it was an Anything Goes, No Holds Barred, Last Man Standing Binball match to end all Binball matches. Bouncy balls flew across the floor, bouncing off chairs, stools, menus, and one very unfortunate patron. Alfred also came _this_ close to sinking the near-impossible Devil's Unholy 360 Gummy Bear Slider shot! Both ended up going into double-overtime when Lovino interrupted.

"Hey, hamburger bastard," the Italian spoke up. "The girl from your last table asked me to give this to you."

"What's this? Am I finally catching up to your record breaking amount of phone numbers?" he joked, unwrapping the message. It was written on a napkin and a little hard to read. "Th…Thanks…for service…you, you're…a beach…baysomemay…"

"What?" Kiku asked, confused.

"I can't really read what it says…B-e-s-a-m-e? Bay-suh-may?"

"Do you know what that means?" the brunette arched an eyebrow.

"I dunno…sounds like some kind of fish…maybe she was still hungry?" Alfred glanced into the parking lot, but the girl and her friends had already left. He could tell from their school jackets and accents that they were from out-of-state. "Do you think it was important?"

"Nah…" Lovino shrugged, turning away. "Probably not."

* * *

oOo

* * *

A/N – And no, I don't think British authors are the worst. I was just trying to write something from the perspective of an overly-patriotic American who's barely pulling a passing grade in English, hates Shakespeare, and associates him with all British authors. J.K. Rowling, J.R.R. Tolkien, and C.S. Lewis are some of my favorites :)

For those unfamiliar with it, Macbeth is a tragedy written by Shakespeare. It has lots of deception and betrayal…which may or may not be foreshadowing something here ;)

-Rajikka

**Translations:**

**Tsundere** – A tsundere is a type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)

**Abigail and Ethan Jones** – I just went with common names from the U.S. for Abby and Canada for Ethan. No real thought or secret message other than I think "Abby" is a cute name and "Ethan" is easy to remember. It's also not as rare as you might think for successful women to keep their maiden names, especially when they marry _after_ becoming famous/prominent/badass.

**Bésame – **"Kiss me" (Sp.)

**Che cazzo** – "What the fuck" (It.)


	4. Impossible Dilemma

**Fake, Fake Psychotropic**

_Chapter 4 – Impossible Dilemma_

**Disclaimer: **I solemnly swear I don't own any of it; I'm just in it for the Romerica ;)

**Warning:** Crazy!Alfred, male x male pairings, harsh language, and AU.

Sorry for the long wait!

Just to recap – Alfred is hiding his top-secret clone, who is hiding his feelings for Lovino from Alfred, while our little tsundere suspects something is up, but is hiding that fact from both Alfreds…basically everyone is hiding something whether it be good, bad, or unspecified XD

* * *

oOo

* * *

Alfred had been living the sweet life over the last few days while his Fake filled in for him. He was able to stay up late having all the fun he wanted and sleep in until noon the next day. The best part was that nobody suspected a thing!

Currently, Alfred was lying in bed under a mountain of blankets fast asleep. He was dreaming about a time he and Lovino were kids. They were playing somewhere – a backyard, a park, it wasn't clear…but everything else about the memory was vivid. The sun was bright and the fresh-cut grass was soft beneath his toes. Alfred had been running around with a group of children, but only he and Lovino were left. Everyone else had gone home for lunch. Typically, Alfred was one of the first to blaze a trail back to his dining room table; however he was more willing to wait out his hunger if it meant a few extra minutes with the fun Italian boy.

Alfred practically idolized Lovino. The brunette was the perfect age of being a super-cool "big kid" towards Alfred, Feliciano, and the others, but not as old (or mean) as Arthur, Francis, Gilbert, and Antonio who thought they were too cool to hang out with the others. Being crazy kids, Alfred held Lovino's hand and promised to be his hero forever. The Italian questioned it, since he wasn't the most trusting person even back then.

"As long as it's for justice, the Hero can do anything!" Alfred eagerly proclaimed, puffing out his chest. He wanted to make Lovino smile again.

Even at his age, Alfred noticed things. He noticed that his parents weren't fond of him running through the house with dirty shoes and that Mattie was particularly pissed at him when he tried to pin the muddy footprints on him (or worse, Kumajiro). Alfred noticed people were happy in the spring and grumpy in the winter (just after Christmas, of course). He noticed that of all his pals, Lovino smiled the least. Sometimes never at all. How could someone go an entire day without smiling?

It was so sad, that Alfred had vowed to do everything in his power to make Lovino smile. He had such a nice smile, that it made Alfred sad that he didn't get to see it very often. The blonde wished he could figure out why Lovino didn't smile, so he could be the Hero and beat up whoever was making him feel bad.

"Stupido…" Lovino shook his head, but allowed his lips to curve upwards.

Alfred grinned at the smile blossoming on his friend's face and then did what any hero would do for their loved one – he gave the brunette a quick peck on the lips. Alfred didn't think anything of it (kissing the person you like is okay, right?), but an embarrassed Lovino shoved him away and called him a bastard. The blonde didn't know what that meant, but was hurt by the Italian's tone. Lovino ran home and didn't show up to play again for three whole days (an eternity for kids).

Lovino seemed to forget about the incident, but Alfred didn't. The hero swore he'd become someone worthy of Lovino when he got older. Someday, he'd be the hero who could make his grumpy friend smile with the same ease as the others around him.

As Alfred woke up from his dream/memory, he realized that's what he could do now with his Fake. With Fake Alfred taking on his workload and making him look good and college-ready, the real Alfred could spend more time with Lovino. Because of their combined progress, Lovino would like him for sure!

* * *

oOo

* * *

Across town, Lovino sat in his seat, making a point to stare out the window to avoid talking to the bastard next to him. Biology wasn't a difficult class for him, so he really didn't need to pay any attention to their brainless teacher drone on about the digestive tracts of frogs versus other amphibians. He zoned out on some birds flying off in the distance. What he wouldn't give to be able to fly off whenever he felt like stretching his wings or avoiding people...

The blonde beside him slipped him a note, which Lovino completely ignored. He did the same for the text sent his way. Lovino couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something wrong about this Alfred. Nothing had changed on the outside, but he felt…_different_. Honestly, Lovino wasn't even sure if that was the right word for it. There was something off about his friend and he didn't like it one bit.

"Lovino…" the American said beside him gently.

Ignoring people was easy for the tsundere, even more so when they had pissed him off. Lovino didn't like how the last few days had played out. Monday in general…the stupid prank in Spanish…the fucking mind games he was playing with him at work…Things weren't adding up. Maybe there was some truth to Alfred's imaginary alien friend he kept as a kid? Leave it to the big, blonde idiot to get himself body-snatched.

"Lovino…" he tried again.

Lovino knew his American friend was kind of an idiot, but this was something beyond his usual antics. Alfred didn't seem sick or physically unwell. After chatting with Matthew, Lovino was able to rule out any potential family crises or strange behavior at home. Mid-terms were a ways off, so it shouldn't be exam stress either…

"Lovino…"

"What is it, you bastard?!" he turned to snap at him…Okay, so maybe it _was_ kind of hard to ignore Alfred.

"Class ended about 3 minutes ago."

"What?!" Lovino felt his ears burn. How had he been so deep in thought that he completely missed the bell? "Dammit…"

"Relax, I'll walk you to your next class," the Fake Alfred said invitingly.

"Why?" the Italian asked coldly, gathering his things, and pulling his textbook away from the idiot with more force than necessary.

"Because if you're late, I'll just tell your teacher we were finishing our biology project. Mrs. Coons loves me, so she'll buy it," he flashed a crooked grin.

"Cheh. Do whatever you want."

On the way to the computer labs, the imitation held a mostly one-sided conversation with the surly brunette. He bounced from one topic to another trying to find one that piqued his crush's interest, but wasn't having much luck until he started talking about football/soccer. Even then the Fake realized there was an edge to Lovino's tone that wasn't present in Alfred's memories of speaking to him.

_He must still be pissed about the almost-kiss_…

"Listen…I'm sorry about Spanish class the other day…" he began.

"I don't care," Lovino insisted. "It was another of your dumb pranks."

"Was it?" his blue eyes flickered mischievously. He took Lovino's hand before the other could protest and placed a gentle kiss on it. "I bet you'd love it if I kissed you for real…"

"Think again, jackass!" the slightly shorter teen pulled his hand away like he'd been stung by a bee.

"Hahaha! Relax, I'm just messing with you!" he laughed. "But let me know if you ever change your mind about that kiss, okay? I'd make an exception for you~"

Lovino had few choice words for him that would make a sailor blush and a nun fall over dead as the Fake winked and hurried off before the tsundere began throwing textbooks at him.

* * *

oOo

* * *

After a less than healthy breakfast, Alfred texted his Fake about how school was going. His carbon copy replied back in record timing.

_Fine, I just discovered a new element in biology and am using it to create an arc reactor in advanced engineering!_

Alfred chuckled at the Iron Man reference and asked him how it's really going. He relied on his Fake to fill him in on school so he didn't act strange around his friends and family outside of Gakuen Academy. What a relief that his double made a great recon agent! It certainly made things easier having a partner he could depend on.

A few minutes later, his Fake responded. Apparently they were coming up with new designs for Engineering, but he was going back and forth between a few. Both blondes loved building and inventing things. Alfred asked if he wanted help deciding, but his Fake brushed him off.

_Don't worry about a thing! You're on vacation, remember?_

This made Alfred smile. His double was such a nice guy!

The Hero puttered around the house for a little longer until boredom won out. Yes, even Alfred gets bored if stuck inside too long (even _with_ video games and TV shows to catch up on). The weather was too nice to ignore, so he put on a very elaborate disguise consisting of a hoodie, baseball cap, and shades before grabbing his bike from the garage. He decided to hit the bike trail near his house before boredom forced him to start shooting holes in the living room walls.

He left his reddish-brown brick house in the dust and cut through his back yard to avoid Peeping Patricia, Arthur's crazy old grandmother who had nothing better to do with her life than watch daytime television and spy on her neighbors. Things probably wouldn't go too well for him if she called the cops (or worse, his _mom_) about the strange boy loitering around their house during school hours.

Not many people used the trails at this time of the day, so Alfred wasn't surprised to find the paths deserted for the most part. It was just him, the dirt path, and nature for as far as the eye could see. He rode at a steady pace for about five miles before coming back. This had been just the breath of fresh air he needed until he caught himself talking to a pair of bickering birds that reminded him of two Italians he knew. Then there was the nagging squirrel that sounded eerily like Arthur. And the attention-seeking toad that had more than a little in common with a certain Frenchman. Oh, and the pale wild dog that had snuck up on him (nearly giving him a heart attack) while reminding him of his sneaky twin brother.

Yeah…it was time to get back to civilization.

Alfred enjoyed his bike ride, but hated being alone. He was missing his friends. Sure, he saw some of them at work or in town on errands, but he had been spending most of his time talking to his Fake. Which was…fine, but not the same.

When he got back, he showered, and checked the time – 11:30. School would be out in a few hours. There was no football or work tonight, which meant no hanging out with friends. Alfred sighed. He really wanted to see Lovino in particular, even for just a little bit. He texted his Fake that he'd be showing up afterschool to visit with friends. His imitation texted back that he'd disappear somehow and wished Alfred good luck.

Alfred smiled and pulled out his school uniform.

* * *

oOo

* * *

The Fake decided to make the most of his time and really wow everybody at school. He had to make his time count with Alfred visiting soon. It would be annoying, but he was getting good at disappearing acts, so he'd manage. He checked his watch. Only a few hours left, which meant he had a limited amount of time to leave an impression (that didn't involve rocks being thrown at him) on Lovi before Alfred showed up and stole the show.

In between classes, Fake Alfred grabbed the fedora he had stashed away in his locker for just such an occasion. Every now and then, he would wear it to catch Lovino's eye. He could have sworn he read somewhere that Italians loved fedoras. Or maybe that was just one of the inferences Alfred made from watching _The Godfather_ trilogy. Either way, it was worth a shot.

He was about to close his locker, when he saw a deck of cards poking out from beneath the folders and notebooks lined up on his top shelf. Adding a playing card to his hat would probably get his elusive crush's attention. He reached for one, but two cards stuck together – the King of Spades and the Joker. The Fake went with the Joker.

"Hey, Lovino," he inclined his head towards the brunette, after finding him in the hallway. The double smoothly readjusted his hat, so Lovino could see it better. It was definitely _not_ a cry for attention.

"Oh, Alfred. I see you added a ridiculous card to your special hat and messy hair," the tsundere said bluntly. "Am I missing anything?"

"Just the human being underneath, but nobody's interested in that, are they?"

"Not really."

Lovino went back to giving him the cold shoulder. The blonde angrily tossed the hat over his shoulder. A lot of good that did him. Stupid Alfred and his mafia movie obsession.

In English Literature, his substitute teacher informed the class they would be reading out loud from their current play/novel/waste of his life – _Anthony and Cleopatra._ The Fake knew he could get away with not volunteering to read because Alfred was supposed to hate this class (something they both actually had in common).

"Lovino, would you mind reading the part of Mark Anthony?" their teacher requested. "Your accent suits him perfectly!"

"Cheh, fine," the Italian responded. He couldn't turn down their pretty substitute teacher and the eager looks several girls were giving him.

…Well, this changes everything.

"Now who would like to read the part of Cleopatra?" the substitute asked, glancing over the seating chart once more. "Any volunteers?"

Several hands shot up, including the Fake's, making the others giggle around him. His teacher gave him a confused look and reminded him that Cleopatra is a girl's role. This didn't faze the blonde in the slightest. He batted his eyes and asked her to let him give it a shot. The rest of the class laughed (finally, something to liven up their boring class) and told her to let him. She eventually did after another student reminded her that all of Shakespeare's plays were originally acted out by males.

It began simple enough.

"I am sick and sullen…" Fake Alfred whined in his most over-the-top girly voice. This earned several chuckles around him.

"I am sorry to give breathing to my purpose—" Lovino read without looking at the blonde across from him.

"Help me away, dear Charmian; I shall fall. It cannot be thus long," the imitation pretended to swoon. "The sides of nature will not sustain it."

"Now, my dearest queen…" the Italian tried not to roll his eyes. His stupid friend was enjoying this more than he should be.

"Pray you, stand further from me!" the Fake held a hand up towards Lovino as if he was keeping him at bay. Again, several batches of laughter broke out around the room as the two carried on.

"Cleopatra…" the brunette read, but added an extra hint of warning to his voice. He knew the others weren't laughing at him, but the whole situation was still embarrassing.

"Why should I think you can be mine and true? Though you in swearing shake the throned gods, who have been false to Fulvia?!" he continued, paying no heed to the tsundere's subtle warning. "Riotous madness, to be entangled with those mouth-made vows, which break themselves in swearing!"

"Most sweet queen—"

It was right around here that Fake Alfred dropped the squeaky falsetto that had caused his classmates to laugh enough to forget this play was supposed to be a Tragedy (much like their time spent in the class so far this year). Here, the American got progressively more and more seductive.

"Nay, pray you, seek no color for your going, but bid farewell and go: when you sued staying, then was the time for words. No going then; Eternity was in our lips and eyes…" the blonde licked his lips and continued, eyes resting on a surprised Lovino. "Bliss in our brows' bent; none our parts so poor, but was a race of heaven. Or thou, the greatest soldier of the world…art turn'd the greatest liar."

Lovino had lines, but he promptly forgot to read them.

"I would I had thy inches; thou shouldst know," the American's eyes smoldered. He never once tore them off his Italian. "There were a heart in Egypt."

The few sitting in class that day who weren't flustered or completely caught off guard were doing their damnedest to keep from squealing.

"H-Hear me, queen," Lovino tried to sound less worked up than he actually was. Why was this hamburger bastard trying to publicly humiliate him…again? Dammit, these lines wouldn't be so difficult to read if he'd stop looking at him like that. "The strong necessity of time commands our services for awhile, but my heart remains in use with you. Our Italy shines o'er with civil swords!"

It would go on to be the most attentive English Lit class they had all year. The students were hanging off of every word. One or two had started taking notes. By the end of the period, it even had their substitute teacher reaching for a cold glass of water. She'd never had a class quite like _that_.

The bell rang and the gossip monsters were released into the world. As the students left, they eagerly told their friends about the English class that got them to focus longer than ten minutes. An excited buzz spread throughout the hallway that did not go unnoticed by Francis.

"When did Alfred get so popular?" he asked Arthur.

* * *

oOo

* * *

Alfred entered the academy by the exit he and his Fake agreed on. Even afterschool, there was less traffic as he made his way over to his locker to get his backpack. For some reason, a couple girls from his English class insisted that he read with Lovino whenever their teacher wanted them to read out loud. Alfred wouldn't mind that either. Lovino's voice was like chocolate – rich and smooth. He could listen to it for hours. Did they read together today? Alfred told the girls it was up to their teacher, just to play it safe.

Along the way to his locker, Alfred chatted with a couple friends. It was nice to be surrounded by people for a change. The Hero liked a break every now and then, but he was a social butterfly at heart. Torris was worried about his upcoming date with Feliks. It was their 2nd year anniversary and he wanted it to be special. Francis was rambling on to Matthew and Michelle (the new transfer student from Seychelles) in rapid French. Arthur insisted that he speak a language they can all understand, so he quickly switched over to Spanish just to annoy him. Alfred joined in because ticking off the Brit was always fun. He was grateful multitasking came easy to him, so he could check his text updates on the day from his Fake.

_Advanced Engineering – working on protective eyewear._

_English Lit – read out loud with Lovi. _

_Lunch – got into an argument with Mathias about Deadpool deserving his own awesome TV series. Gil took our side. _

_Phy Ed – lots of sprinting races. Tied 3 times with Ludwig. Feli beat everyone's time when a neighbor's dog escaped and chased him. No injuries. _

"Hey, Feli!" Alfred waved to the passing Italian. "Watch out for dogs on your way home!"

"Ve~! Don't remind me!" the amber-eyed boy clung tighter to Ludwig's arm.

"What did you say?" an angry voice questioned him. Alfred spun around to find him face to face with a particularly angry tsundere.

"Oh, hey, Lovino! I was just thinking abou—"

"Where you threatening my brother?" Lovino growled, stepping closer.

"What? No," Alfred's eyes were a little hurt. Why was Lovi so defensive all of the sudden? "You know I'd never do anything like that."

Lovino stared at him for another minute, before relaxing. It looked like whatever had him on edge was gone now. Poor guy looked wiped out. Was he getting enough sleep?

"Of course _you_ wouldn't…" he chucked darkly.

"Yeah, it wasn't even my dog!" Alfred insisted. "A neighbor's dog got loose and chased him during Phy. Ed. Feli was scared, but he _did_ beat the Olympic record for the 100 meter sprint!"

The two fell into an easy conversation, walking down the hallway. Kiku joined them at one point, very curious about their rendition of whatever play they were reading in their English Lit class, but Lovino cut him off. The topic shifted to their shared biology class. Lovino was thinking about skipping the frog dissection on Friday, but Alfred wasn't having any of it.

"There is no way you're ditching class! With my luck, I'll be stuck with Ivan as a partner!"

"Ivan's not so bad…"

"Kiku, if _you_ can't even say it with a straight face, that's saying a _lot_."

"Maybe you partnering up with the crazy bastard would be good for you?" Lovino smirked. "Teach you a thing or two about the world…"

"Who would want to be partners with the guy who comes from a place where the leading exports are snow and communism?!"

The trio laughed again and Kiku took off to meet up with his afterschool club. Lovino also had to be leaving to remind his brother to pick up the stuff for dinner tonight. He glanced up at Alfred, uncertainty in his green eyes. He wanted to talk to him about the strange week they were having, but couldn't shake his reluctance. _This_ was the Alfred he trusted, but it felt like he was hiding something from him. Ironic, considering the idiot was about as good at keeping secrets as his stupid fratello. How could he feel so different now compared to all day long? Split personalities didn't even seem to cover it.

"Hey, hamburger bastard?"

"Yeah, Lovino?"

"Don't ever change…"

"What?"

"…Don't…Don't ever change, okay?"

Alfred didn't know how to respond to that. Lovino had a frown on his face, but his eyes were almost desperate. There was a storm waging beneath his olive green eyes and somehow Alfred had gotten stuck in the middle. The Hero did the only thing he could think of – he wrapped his arms around the brunette and hugged him tight, waiting for Lovino to freak out like he always did.

The storm never came.

Lovino stubbornly refused to return the hug, but he didn't push him away either.

* * *

oOo

* * *

A/N – Writing "Fake Alfred" is annoying me. Probably because I think of him as a completely different character than Alfred. I need to think of a less irritating way to refer to the Fake…

Hope the script-reading thing went over alright. It's hard to make 16th century tragedies sexy XD

-Rajikka

**Translations:**

**Tsundere** – A tsundere is a type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)

**Michelle **- A common girl's name in Seychelles, so I used it as her made-up human name.


End file.
